His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
