I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
