So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
