I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
