I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
