The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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