chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
