God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When are your genitals available?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
