when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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