When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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