if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
