I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
