I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
