I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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