you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
