I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
