is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
