she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
