WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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