your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
