i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
