You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
