I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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