he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
