Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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