'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
