The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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