Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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