i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
