If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
