You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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