I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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