somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm getting married
To pizza
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
