oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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