areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
