In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
