she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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