I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
