guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
