More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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