Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
