Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
