I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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