Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
