Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
