We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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