Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
