Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
