you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she told me i tasted like america
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
