I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
