Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
