I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
