I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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